RAW starts out with 8 people standing on Ladders in the ring. What..the…fuck? My wife is concerned with everyone’s safety as Uncle Kurt walks out, giving a half smile grin. The smile/grin of a man who’s been beaten down by terrible storylines. He explains what Money in the Bank means. Out comes a Baron Corbin with a fresh cut. Im down with it. Sheriff of Monday Nights comes out to lay down the law. Everyone starts arguing on the ladder. Chaos ensues, Natalya is holding on to the ladder for dear life, and Alexa screams. This is madness. Not in a good way. Braun says “Get these hands” and his music plays. Apparently he wins.
Winner by I don’t know what just happened: Braun Strowman
Fatal Four Way: Alexa Bliss vs. Ember Moon vs. Natalya vs. Sasha Banks:
Everyone starts by looking up. The MITB briefcases wont help you Sasha, look away. Ember Moon is super strong, tossing Alexa around. Sasha and Ember try to team up on Alexa but she rolls outside. Nattie tosses her into the barricade. Nattie, Moon, and Banks battle in the ring with a decent back and forth between Banks and Natalya. They play up the injured knee that Nattie has. Good story telling here. Ember ends up back in the ring and she battles with Sasha. After this, there is a giant cluster fuck outside the ring. It looked like Sasha fell off of the ringpost but it really was a sloppy flip into Nattie, then Ember does a suicide dive outside the ring and murders Sasha. Alexa comes outta nowhere and clobbers Moon. She tries to pin a still dead Sasha in the ring but Sasha rises from the dead and kicks at 2. We need a commercial to calm from all the excitement. Back from commercial…replays. Okay back in the ring Alexa is tweaking Natalya’s knee for an uncomfortably long time. Sasha eventually comes back and battles with Alexa again. Ember hits a nice looking crossbody on both women. She hits a top rope, almost DDT, suplex on Sasha. Alexa comes back in and everyone is laid out. After the 43rd commercial of the match, we come back to a Banks Statement that is broken up by Nattie hitting a nasty booty to the head on Sasha. She locks Sasha in a Sharpshooter but Ember breaks it up with a kick to the back. Cole said neck but he’s drunk. Ember Moon hits an Eclipse on Nattie but Alexa interferes and gets throw into steel steps. Lots of near falls here so things are getting interesting. Nattie ends up making Alexa tap to the Sharpshooter. Not a bad match at all!
Winner by Sharpshooter! Bang Bang!: Natalya
Finn is backstage with Kevin Owens. KO brings him Olives as a peace offering. KO wants to team up with Finn for their match tonight. That’s pretty much the gist of it.
Fashion Police vs. Dolph Ziggle and Drew Mcintyre:
Dolph works Tyler over from the start. Ruthless Dolph is Ruthless. McIntyre comes in and chops Breeze a few times before tagging Ziggler back in. Breeze eventually tags Fandango back in and McIntyre joins him. Drew kills everyone and Powerbombs Breeze on to Fandango. Dolph comes in and they hit their joint finisher for the win.
Winner by masterful tag team action: Ziggler and McIntyre
They cut a promo about being good and stuff.
Backstage is Roman Reigns with robot reporter. He talks about Jinder Mahal and says he’s an idiot.
Sunil Singh vs. Roman Reigns:
Jinder talks shit to Roman before the match start, then says Roman isn’t facing him, he is facing Sunil. Sunil doesn’t look so happy. RIP dude. Roman toys with him after clobbering Jinder.
Winner: Roman Reigns
Jinder attacks Roman after the match and carries Sunil away. Predictable but not the worst thing ive seen tonight.
B-Team vs. Slater and Rhyno
Slater and Axel start things out. It’s a clunky start to this match with nothing really exciting happening. Bo Dallas is in with Slater, continuing the beat down. Bo attacks Rhyno but Slater holds his own until the numbers become too much.
Winner by…I don’t know why these matches happen: The B Team
Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt show up on the screen. They end up at the ramp and cut a promo on beating the B-Team.
Elias is next out to the ring. He sings about Seth Rollins. Seth Rollins comes out to Burn it downnnn. He runs out quickly and tosses Elias away. Elias left his guitar so Seth will smack it. The Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump sit down is happening right now so im trying to watch both. They both talk back and forth for a while before Seth destroys that guitar.
Backstage we have KO and Bobby Roode. KO is trying to do the same thing he did with Finn Balor earlier.
Bayley vs. Ruby Riott:
Ruby starts out strong, beating Bayley down as the rest of the Riott squad watches on. This lasts for a few minutes but Bayley gets some small offense before Ruby takes back over. The slow pace of this match really can give both women a good chance to show off, its unfortunate that the crowd isn’t really into it. Bayley hits a big suplex outside the ring and the rest of the Riott squad look surprised. We go to commercial with the same amount of wonder… back from the break and Bayley is getting clobbered again. Ruby gets the win after distraction from the Riott Squad.
Winner by NOT hugging everyone: Ruby Riott
The Riott Squad draws on Bayley after the match.
Backstage is Ronda Rousey. Natalya has some words of warning about Nia Jax and Ronda thanks her. Easy day.
Coach is in the ring for some reason to be part of the Face to Face with Nia Jax and Ronda Rousey. This was not a good segment. I know it’s scripted but damn, doesn’t flow at all. There was a head butt though. Cant be mad at that. Rousey tries to go for an Arm Bar but Nia isn’t putting up with her shit and resists for a minute but ends up tapping and the bell rings…even though there wasn’t a match lol.
Curt Hawkins is backstage and randomly No Way Jose comes by, dancing…
No Way Jose vs. Curt Hawkins:
Hawkins words play a few times and no Hawkins. The Ref starts to count. Curt comes out of nowhere dressed as someone in No way Jose’s conga line. Jose stops him and gets the win
Winner by Leading a dance line: No Way Jose
Finn and Bobby Roode have a backstage segment.
There is going to be an obstacle course with Sami Zayn and Bobby Lashley. Im not dignifying that with words. Sami attacks Bobby. Surprise Surprise.
Fatal Four Way: Finn Balor vs. Bobby Roode vs. Kevin Owens vs. Braun Strowman: